Sausage Swiper

Bjúgnakrækir nowadays
for a little hot dog pays!

Snowball fights and thrilling games

On the picture you can see some Icelandic figures or parts of them (Davíð Oddsson, Björgólfur Guðmundsson, Reynir Traustason, Jón Ásgeir Jóhannesson, Skyrgámur and Guðjón V.).

It's a good time for a snowball fight. Afterwards you should spend a milk ice for the patron saint of the 19th December, Skyrgámur. Later you will have a nice evening with your family playing Kreppuspilið, the thrilling crunch game.

Liquid funds

Askasleikir is the sixth of the Icelandic Jólasveinar, the troll lads, who come before Christmas to tease the people. Askasleikir (Bowl-licker) is waiting under the bed and when someone put his wooden food-bowl on the floor, he grabs it and licks it clean before cat or dog can do it.
But today Askasleikir was found lying in a ditch. He was immediately transported to a hospital to get his stomach pumped. I visited him and he reported:
I have a positive experience with cat food in the last years. The people don't give the animals leftovers any more but good meat in metal cans. In the morning I crept in a posh house and hid under the kitchen bench seat. I was enjoyed to hear the landlord's voice: "We will survive Christmas! I have hoarded a lot of tax-free Whisk-" - "Oh, God bless you, darling! Let's party and the devil may care," a woman cried. Later, when all was quiet I tiptoed into the store room. There were no cans but bottles with the label "Whisky". It must be a new sort of Whiskas, I thought. It was easy to open the first bottle. The liquid cat food really was a good stuff. But now I feel a bit wretched. Tell me why this devils wrenched it from my paunch!
Poor old lad!

Three man in a boat

(or perhaps thirty)


Did you also got an email like this?

Subject: TRUE CONFIDENCE AND LOVE
From: Bjorgolfur
Iceland, Europe.
Reply to: bjth@fjarsvik.com
Dear Sir,
Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. I got your name and contact from an international brochure because I do not know anybody I will contact. I prayed over it and believed that you will be a reputable and trust worthy person that I can trust and do business with, I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business assistance. I am Bjorgolfur the son of Bjorgolfur.
My father was a very wealthy merchant in Iceland; but then his business went ill. He secretly called me on his bed side and told me that he has the sum of Five Million, Nine Hundred Thousand United State Dollars USD ($5,900, 000.00) he deposited with a private security firm in X, which he used my name his only son as the next of Kin in depositing of the money with the private security firm in X. The security firm is not aware that the box contains money and my father warned me to keep this as a top secret till I get a reliable foreigner that will assist me get the box out as his foreign partner. He also expla
Please, I am sincerely seeking your assistance in the following ways: (1) to assist me claim the box containing the money from the security company as my father’s foreign partner. (2) To serve as a guardian of this fund. (3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a resident permit in your country because I cannot go back to my country till I am a full grown man.
Moreover, sir I will like you to tell me what you will take from the total sum as compensation for your effort/input after the successful release and transfer of this fund into your bank account in your country. Please you should indicate your interest towards assisting me by writing me an email at : bjth@fjarsvik.com ,as I believe that this transaction would be concluded within seven days (7) days you signify interest to assist me. Please keep this proposal confidential.
Thanks and God bless.
Best regards,
Bjorgolfur

As kitschy as can be?

You can see kitschy Coca-Cola-colored Santas all over the world, in Reykjavík, New York, London ... it's boring.

But there are other interesting figures:
Tomorrow comes Stekkjastaur (Sheep-Cote Clod), the first of the thirteen Jólasveinar, the Icelandic Yuletide Lads. They are no Saints but the sons of the troll woman Grýla and they tease the humans by stealing food and making mischief till Chistmas. You can see Stekkjastaur on the left side of the picture. If you like to enjoy the adventures of the Jólasveinar I recommend to visit the webpage of Mo'a Romig-Boyles within the next days.

On the right side there is an oldfashioned Nikolaus from the German children's book Struwwelpeter (1845). The educational poem The Story of the Inky Boys was translated by Mark Twain. We can learn that Saint Nicholas (the real Santa Claus) is also active in summer.

The Story of the Inky Boys
As he had often done before,
The woolly-headed black-a-moor
One nice fine summer's day went out
To see the shops and walk about;
And as he found it hot, poor fellow,
He took with him his green umbrella
Then Jóhnny, little noisy wag,
Ran out and laugh'd, and waved his flag,
And Skúli came in jacket trim,
And brought his woollen hoop with him;
And Kaspar, too, snatch'd up his toys
And joined the other naughty boys;
So one and all set up a roar,
And laughed and hooted more and more,
And kept on singing,--only think!--
"Oh! Blacky, you're as black as ink"

Now Saint Nicholas lieved close by,--
So tall he almost touched the sky;
He had a mighty inkstand too,
In which a great goose feather grew;
He call'd out in an angry tone,
"Boys, leave the black-a-moor alone!
For if he tries with all his might,
He cannot change from black to white."
But ah! they did not mind a bit
What Saint Nicholas said of it;
But went on laughing, as before,
And hooting at the black-a-moor.

Then Saint Nicholas foams with rage:
Look at him on this very page!
He seizes Kaspar, seizes Jón,
Takes Skúli by his little head;
And they may scream, and kick, and call,
But into the ink he dips them all;
Into the inkstand, one, two, three,
Till they are black, as black can be;
Turn over now and you shall see.

See, there they are, and there they run!
The black-a-moor enjoys the fun.
They have been made as black as crows,
Quite black all over, eyes and nose,
And legs, and arms, and heads, and toes.
And trowsers, pinafores, and toys,--
The silly little inky boys!
Because they set up such a roar,
And teas'd the harmless black-a-moor.

Waiting for the Ice Man

All fishermen and the stock of cod are waiting for the Ice Man. But he doesn't come ...

Kidding aside! The book The Ice Man Cometh should come out in February 2007 under the title Sex, Lies and Supermarkets but it didn't. An explanation you can only find in the Icelandic news: The publishing was delayed due to threats of Jón Ásgeir Jóhannesson's lawyers and then the title was changed. But the "Ice Man" didn't come out. The British publisher obviously feared to get financially ruined by publishing this book. By the way the journalist Ian Griffiths didn't write any more about the Ice Man & Co. in The Guardian during the last two years. Was he forced to keep his hands off this tycoon?

Here is the text of the Ice Man's blurb:

He is a multi millionaire whose name is never far from scandal and intrigue. He has been described as a decadent playboy and has been the target of fraud allegations. His retail group, Baugur, has become famous in the UK for boldly snapping up familiar high street chains such as Oasis, Iceland and Hamleys toy shop to name but a few. Meet Jon Asgeir Johannesson, the Icelandic entrepreneur who is buying up Britain. In 1998, he took over as the Managing Director of Baugur Group, his family's company, and began driving the chain firmly towards the fashion and retail sector, voraciously expanding their overseas operations. In 2005, however, the extraordinary pace of Baugur's acquisitions was slowed when Icelandic authorities brought charges of fraud against the company. Throughout the proceedings, Baugur claimed that the charges were politically motivated...In this explosive and informative book, the lid is lifted on the scandal that has been the talking point of the business pages for the last few years. The authors reveal how Baugur's international expansion became a source of embarrassment for Iceland and how its commercial success forced the country's government to bring charges against the company. They also look at flaws that became apparent during the police investigation into the matter, how Baugur managed the crisis and how, ultimately, were vindicated. The high-profile nature of Johannesson's bold commercial ventures in this country have made the enigmatic Icelander a source of constant fascination for media and public alike. The less-than-positive attention received as a result of the trial have been cast aside and the company is back out on the high street with their own shopping lists! This gripping book is a must for anyone who keeps a keen eye on the world of business or for anyone who want to know the truth about one of the biggest news stories of recent years.

It's cleaning time in Iceland

Staff of the Althingi Cleaning Service were arrested by mistake yesterday. The police supposed that the people were anarchists who tried to occupy the Parliament building.
"We only made a clean-in, you fokking fascists!" Myrkvi (19) cried while led off in handcuffs.
It's a tradition in Iceland to clean each house very carefully before Christmas. All vacuums are busy, a million coats of dust are removed, not a single spot of grease is spared, sheet and sheep and even the skeleton in the closet are whitewashed.

King David

"If I am forced to resign ... then I’ll go back to politics," Davíð Oddsson, the governor and chairman of the Central Bank of Iceland and former prime minister, vowed today. Read more on Iceland Review.

"One can't eat money!"

Seyðísfjörður/Iceland
In an interview with Radio Prump the famous troll woman Grýla confirmed that she wasn't responsible for the kreppa (credit crunch):

"I'm engaged in natural disasters, earthquakes, landslides, avalanches and volcanic eruptions. I have nothing to do with the doings of so-called vikings. This mannskrattar (rascals) would be a good food for me. I'm only robbing cattle, humans and other edible stuff. One can't eat money!"

Global playing Vikings

From left to right: Björgólfur Thor Björgólfsson, Hannes Smárason, Jón Ásgeir Jóhannesson.

There is a new Icelandic word: "útrásarvíking". It means something like "global playing Viking".

Short Viking History: While must of Icelandic settlers built houses, raised cattle, caught fishes and held meetings from the year 874 onwards, some others sailed away and invaded England and continental Europe together with other Scandinavian Vikings. In Sagas and poems their feats survived. But in his novel Gerpla (Happy Warriors) Halldór Laxness drew a dark picture of this heroes.

I found an Icelandic poem "Útrásarvíkingarnir" about some new jaunting Vikings and give a loose translation.

We are as famous as a shark.
We spread in England our wings
and cashed big fishes in Denmark.
But why they call us foray vikings?

We dealt on credit extra bold
and made a profit a hundredfold.
Each of us got a global player:
Björgólfur, Hannes and Jón Ásgeir.

All that is ripe for sale we buy,
in every nook we smell a gain.
And we all do just on the fly
in our brave new private plane.

And no one ask a stupid question
because the press is our bastion.
More and more dough we want to mess,
we Jón Ásgeir, Björgólfur and Hannes.

Icelandic protester arrested

The picture is a montage* but it tells the scandalous truth:
The young man who raised the Bónus supermarket flag on the Icelandic parliament building two weeks ago (see here) was arrested yesterday evening. A "preventive" detention? Today as on each Saturday people in Reykjavík are demonstrating in front of the parliament building.
-----
* photos by Helgi Jóhann Hauksson et al

"Movement for a new republic in Iceland"

The Icelanders are missing Prince Polo, their favored Polish chocolate wafer. To get the Prince back they need the loans from IMF, Poland and other countries.
But many courageous Icelanders are prepared to abdicate the Prince any longer till they have cleared out their Augean stables. They declare that

"it is not in the interest of the people of Iceland that our current government receive loans from anyone."

And they appeal to IMF:

"Until then, please do not deliver the money."

Read the whole declaration.

Icelandic crunch talk

You can learn some useful crunch talk (krepputal) phrases:
Hver er ábyrgur? – Who is responsible?
Hvert er svínið? – Where is the swine?



And another important idiom:
Burt með spillinguna! – Away with the corruption!

Primus inter pares

"In what some are calling a misguided attempt to provide equal health services for its citizens, Sweden’s health authorities have only caused controversy by deciding to supply transsexual men with free prosthetic penises that don’t get erect ..."
read more about at Icenews

Mother of invention

Kreppa (crisis) is the mother of invention.

The Icelanders who used to build their houses of turf in the past centuries take again an organic mixture consisting of eggs, tomatoes and toilet paper to redecorate their stone buildings.

Dr. Gunnar Njálssöguson from the University of Iceland criticized the invention and insisted on homemade and cheap ingredients like sheep fat and lupines seed. Some angry blogger called him an "ignorant fool" (the Icelandic expression is a bit harsher).

Kleppur - madhouse

An Icelandic joke



When you phone Kleppur (madhouse) you'll get an automatic answering machine:
You are connected with Kleppur.
If you have invested in Icelandic banks, press 1.
If you are hording provisions at Bónus, press 2.
If you really think anyone will be held accountable for the crash, press 3.
If you trust politicians and other Icelandic half-assed copycats to solve the problem, press 4.
If you deem it wise that the same shitty blockheads who played an important part in the crash, among them the Financial Supervisory Authority and the government, take care of the reorganisation, press 5.
If you think the Icelandic króna is a valid currency, press 6.
If nothing is chosen you will be connected to the office of the parliament at Austurvöllur.
You are number 168.537 in line.



I have cancelled the button 7 because it's to hard to explain the term "útrásarkrimminn". Here you can find the original Icelandic joke.

Bring joy to Iceland!

What is a better gift for Christmas?

For more gift ideas please visit Oxfam Great Britain

To flag the Aldi banner on the Reichstag building in Berlin ...

... would be the work of a fool.


Why did the Icelandic protesters raise the flag of the supermarket-chain Bónus on the parliament building in Reykjavík last Saturday?

Bónus belongs to one of the richest and mightiest Icelanders, Jón Ásgeir Jóhannesson, chairman of Baugur Group, who is supposed to be one of the causer of the Icelandic finance crisis. (By the way, in German the word Ásgeir looks like Aasgeier = vulture.)


Bónus is the cheapest supermarket-chain in Iceland and its flag shows a fat pink piggy bank.



Jón Ásgeir Jóhannesson now tries to concentrate the Icelandic mass media in his hands.

Look at the video of the protest in Reykjavík .

Visit the web page of Andri Snær Magnason and read about Bonus Poetry (Bónus ljóð) .